How to Talk to Your Loved Ones About Christian Nationalism
Guidance for gentle, hopeful conversations amid painful faith and family divides. "I feel like I'm losing them, and it breaks my heart."
"I feel like I'm losing them, and it breaks my heart."
If you've felt this kind of heartbreak seeing a loved one drawn into Christian Nationalism (or MAGA-influenced Christianity), you are not alone. It hurts — emotionally and spiritually. It might leave you lying awake at night, praying through tears, wondering how the person you love could be pulled into beliefs that feel so foreign or even frightening to you. These conversations (or the deafening silence when you avoid them) can create real pain in your heart.
Shared Grief, Shared Hope: Take a deep breath. Remember that countless caring, faithful people are wrestling with the same grief. It’s not just you. There’s a whole community of us feeling the ache of watching family or friends caught in a divisive movement. We share this grief together, and in that togetherness there is a glimmer of hope. The very fact that you’re concerned, that you still deeply care about this person, is a sign of hope. It means love is still at work. And where there is love, there is hope for something better. You may not see eye-to-eye with your loved one right now, but you haven’t lost the bond of love between you. That bond is a bridge, and on the other side of this painful divide, there can still be understanding and healing.
Start with Empathy and Listening
The first step isn’t to find the perfect argument or Bible verse to snap them out of it. The first step is to truly listen with empathy. As hard as it is, try to approach your loved one not as an opponent to win over, but as the beloved family member or friend they are. It’s tempting to come armed with facts and frustrations, but launching into a debate rarely changes anyone’s heart. Instead, lead with curiosity and care. Ask questions and give them space to share what’s on their mind. For example, you might gently ask, “What worries you the most about what’s happening in our country?” or “Can you help me understand what your beliefs mean to you?” Then, listen… really listen, without jumping in to correct or judge.
When they do open up, pay attention to the feelings and values behind their words. Perhaps you’ll hear fear for their family’s safety, anger about cultural changes, or a sincere desire to honor their faith. Reflect those feelings back to them to show you understand: “It sounds like you’re really afraid for our country’s future, and I know how much you love this nation,” or “I hear how deeply your faith matters to you, and how painful it is when you feel it’s threatened.” This kind of response doesn’t mean you agree with everything they’re saying. It means you care about them. It shows that you value their feelings even if you see things differently. Often, people will soften when they feel heard instead of judged. Your loved one might even say, “Yes, that’s exactly how I feel,” as they realize you’re genuinely trying to understand. In that moment, the conversation shifts from a tug-of-war into a shared moment of being human together.
Leading with empathy and listening sets the tone for all the conversations that will follow. It keeps the relational bridge open. Remember, your relationship with this person is more important than “winning” an argument. By listening first, you’re telling them “Your heart matters to me more than your politics.” That message is a powerful starting point. It creates trust, and trust opens the door to honest dialogue. In my own experience, I’ve even seen hearts slowly change over time when they feel truly heard and loved. But even if change comes slowly (or not at all), you will know you responded with grace and kept the relationship intact. And that is a win on its own.
This is just the first step. I invite you to join me for the full article, which will be released for premium subscribers on August 15. In that piece, we’ll explore further guidance — from setting healthy boundaries to finding support for your own heart — as we continue navigating these hard conversations together. I hope to walk with you on this journey of grief, love, and ultimately, hope.